Poker and Marriage

On the Women’s Poker Club forum they have a thread that asks about family and spousal support. There were a wide variety of answers from very positive to mixed feelings to not liking that their spouse or family member played poker at all. This got me thinking about how much poker has become a part of my life and how it has affected my marriage. In early posts I talked about the family support I have and how my husband and I support each other.

We have been married twenty years and have had a pretty good relationship. We have had our ups and downs like most families and some very trying times when our two sons were seriously injured in an auto accident in 1994. There was a time when we didn’t think we would make it through but we did.

As our children grew we found more free time to spend with each other. It was great at first and we had many stimulating conversations about the children over lazy lunches. Over time though we became a little bored and when we agreed not to talk about the children we found that more and more we had nothing to say to each other. We drifted a little and our conversations lagged. It didn’t take long for us to realize that we needed to find something to occupy our time away from each other so that when we were together we had something to share.

Over the years I had developed a close friendship with a woman whose son was also in an accident, while riding his bike he was hit by a truck, he had issues similar to my son. We supported each other and used each other for resources. She started working for an organization called the Arc as an advocate for persons with developmental disabilities. She asked me if I would be interested in being a board member. I had never done anything like this before and until my son was injured had no experience with persons with disabilities. After some persuasion on her part I said okay. I also started volunteering for activties at the Arc and even started a book club. This added meaning to my life, gave me something to share and talk about with my husband. I am still on the board of directors and even did two terms as President of the board.

This experience taught me that even though I love my husband and family very much I need to have something meaningful to do that is just for me. I didn’t want a regular job because I needed the flexibility to take care of my son and also because I like having my days free to do what I want.

When my husband first started playing poker I was supportive but not that involved in what he was doing. I would listen to him talked about players and hands but didn’t really understand what he was talking about. I was just happy that he found something that was making him happy. He bugged me to learn the game because he wanted to be able to play poker in Las Vegas without feeling like he was leaving me behind. I did learn and as you know have fallen in love with the game. It has also given my husband and I something to talk about and support each other. We have also learned that we can take trips without each other. Several times a year I will take a trip with my girlfriend or family and my husband will do the same for himself. I have married friends who are always together and are unwilling to try something new or unable. Boredom and stagnation was causing us to drift apart poker has given us a way to come together again. Someday we may become bored with each other again and have to find something else to keep us entertained until then we don’t have to sit and stare at each other over the lunch table.